Interview w/ Noah - R. Phoenix - Ripples In The Status Quo
Noah, are you here? You could say that… Not really sure how here I actually am, though.
It’s good to see you still have a little humor considering everything you’ve been through. Yeah? *with a bitter little half-laugh* Yeah. Humor. It’s either that, or--well. It’s just that.
Do you think you will ever forgive Khaz for what he did? Or is it still too fresh in your mind, and your body, what has happened over the last few hours? How can I forgive him for it? He killed me. He turned me into everything I hate… and then he let me believe I was handing myself over to fucking Elias Ivers out of some twisted--love, or something fucked up like that!
I would be pissed too. I am pissed on your behalf. What do you think you will do next? I know you don’t want to stay with him. That’s the bitch of it. I don’t know. I still have this fucking slave mark on my arm… and if I try to go anywhere, the Enforcers could pick me up just to be the dicks they are. And the idea of leaving him…*Despite his lack of need for breath, he takes in a deep breath.* I don’t know. The idea hurts.
Are you open to talking about what transpired at Ivers' house? The connection that you sensed with him that you now know was about your father? Is that right? Tartarus is… Tartarus is worse than anything. It’s Ivers’ fucked-up little playground. I think Khaz went to his place; I sure as hell don’t want to see it. But there… I don’t know. It was like I was standing outside of myself somehow, just watching something happen. I don’t even know why I’m talking about any of this. But I saw him, and he was so familiar, and I know he saw me. He saw me, and he knew. He had to know… What do you want to know?
I guess my concern is do you think he will stick to his word and leave you alone? I’ve heard a lot about Ivers. He might be a sadistic freak, but I think he meant it. I still have something he wants.
Now that your father is gone and you have been turned what will become of the rebellion? Are there still people left behind to support the cause? They’re all gone. Everyone I knew on the outside… They’re gone. Dead. They martyred themselves. *His jaw clenches, and he has to look away for a moment.* But there are people who will step up. I’ve heard rumors about supes who want to change things. I just have to find them.
I know you are angry and hurt at Khaz and you have every right to be, but I know you can feel his emotions and must know that he truly feels something for you? No, he feels fucking sorry for himself! What he feels for me… it’s all bullshit. He may think he feels something, but he’s a fanger. They can’t care about anyone but themselves.
Is there anything you want to tell your fans who support you and stand behind you in this messed up world you are in? I’m not giving up. No matter what happens, I’m not going to let them win. I won’t stop until I erase what they did.
I know it doesn’t help your situation but I know you can do this. You are strong and have proven that over and over and you will get through this as well.
I would like to talk a little about what it’s like being a vampire now? Can we do that? It’s… It’s like an assault on your senses, 24/7. Everything’s too bright, too loud, too much. It’s like you’re always hungry, but you know what you have to do to get food is wrong. It’s always being cold. And it’s feeling someone else’s emotions in the back of your head, so strong you don’t even know what’s you any more. It’s hearing other people’s heartbeats and knowing that you don’t have one any more. I’m a walking corpse, and I’ve never felt more alive. It doesn’t make any sense.
You also made a comment about how powerful it made you feel when you were drinking and that you liked that feeling. That was before I understood, okay? It was wrong. What I did… It was fucking wrong!
I’m not judging you, please don’t think that. I’m just trying to understand what you are going through. Even as I write that I realize how stupid that is. There is no way to understand what you’ve gone through or how you feel. No. No. I… I’ve seen people who are curious, who think they’d just be this badass with superpowers. They just don’t realize that it corrupts. Everything like this corrupts. You know I wanted to be a fucking superhero when I was a kid? God, I was fucking stupid. The cost would be too high. The price is always too high. Just fucking remember that.
Do you think Khaz will be honest with you going forward or does it even matter to you, at this point, whether he’s honest or not? His lies got you in this mess and his selfishness. I don’t even know if he’s capable of being honest, so it’s sort of a moot point. But I don’t know. There’s something… Look, I can’t say there wasn’t anything there. I saw something. I wanted to stay with him. I just didn’t want this. So I don’t know. He’s just not the person I thought he might be. He’s only another leech.
For what it’s worth, I believe he does care about you, but he’s been alone for a long time and only had to worry about himself. Did he mess up? Yeah, he made some big mistakes, but maybe in time you two can at least be civil. I hope so for your sake, anyway. I’m not going to kill him, if that’s what you’re getting at. I should. He deserves it. But I can’t.
I hope you can at least find some kind of peace and I hope you can get that tattoo off of your wrist.
I want to thank you for taking the time to talk with me and opening up about what has happened since you were turned. Guess it’s easier to talk to a stranger. Yeah. You’re welcome, I guess.
Thank you, Noah